Traveling with family can be a wonderful opportunity to bond and create lasting memories. However, let’s be honest: it may also come with its fair share of disagreement when family members have competing interests, priorities, and personalities. Here are some practical tips to help you minimize stress and maximize enjoyment while traveling with partners, spouses, older kids, teens, and other multi-generational groups of opinionated humans:
1. Plan Together
One of the keys to stress-free family vacations is involving everyone (kids included) in the planning process. Even before you choose a destination, sit down together and discuss and each person's preferences. What do they enjoy doing on vacation? What do they hate or may even be afraid of? What are they wishing to explore?
With this knowledge, you can begin to look for destinations, then accommodations and activities, that work for your family. Your lists will likely diverge in places, which is OK. What is important is that everyone is being heard, and you have a base from where to make decisions and compromises. A lot of unintended bickering comes from one family member planning the trip on behalf of everyone else. Group discussion fosters buy-in.
2. Respect Your Differences
Understanding each traveler’s preferences for how they handle challenges, their comfortable levels of activity and risk, how much money they want to spend, and what leisure means to them can prevent conflicts during the trip.
In our family, my husband likes to relax on vacation, while I like to fill every minute with exploration and experiences. He stresses out when too much is planned; I stress out sitting in a hotel knowing the city is at my feet but I’m in the hotel instead. I am up with the sun and ready to explore by 7am; our younger teen naturally sleeps until noon. Two of us love to wander without a plan and see what we discover; the other two get very cranky if we are walking aimlessly through the streets without a clear plan.
The first step is to articulate and acknowledge these differences. The next step is to compromise around them.
3. Schedule Daily Compromises
If everyone does not have shared interests, balance a morning adult-centered exploratory activity, such as visiting a museum or exploring local markets, with afternoon kid-centered time at the pool afternoon or an adventure activity. Another technique is to divide the day into thirds: dedicate one-third to activities that appeal to the kids, one-third to activities preferred by the adults, and one-third to experiences the whole family can enjoy together. Avoid imposing anyone’s priorities or perspectives on others. Instead, strive to find common ground and build compromise into each day.
4. Give Everyone a Voice in Daily Decisions
Each family member, older kids and teens included, can choose an activity or a restaurant for a day. Engage teens by having them use TikTok to research fun things to do and places/restaurants to visit. Agree to try new things and say yes to other family member’s ideas, even if they may not be your first choice. Family members can also take turns navigating. This not only distributes the workload, but also ensures that everyone feels engaged in the trip. However: not everyone is a planner, and if you give family members a chance to plan but they don’t want to, that’s fine too.
5. Embrace Opt-In and Opt-Out Opportunities
Encourage everyone to make compromises and participate in activities that may not initially interest them. But also give family members the option to opt-in or opt-out of certain experiences. This could mean having a quiet morning to themselves, or joining a different activity that aligns with their interests. Set boundaries together on how often one can opt out. Create space for each person to have time on their own, if they wish.
6. Don't “Yuck Each Other’s Yum” (i.e. No Complaining)
Agree with all family members that if you’re not enjoying something that others are, keep your complaining to yourself, so as not to ruin the experience for them. Let your family member(s) enjoy the experience, and know that what you like to do will be prioritized next.
7. Practice Positive Communication
Implement morning check-ins to discuss the day's plans as well as any concerns or preferences. Communicate boundaries for screen time, bed time, and family responsibilities. Foster an environment where everyone feels heard.
8. Rest Up
The exhaustion that comes from long plane or car rides, time zone changes, and non-stop days can make everyone cranky. Try to catch up on rest when needed. Don’t plan major activities or decisions when family members are exhausted after long flights.
9. Be Realistic About Expectations; Stay Open Minded and Flexible
Recognize that your ideal vacation will likely not match those of your family members. Embrace the imperfections as part of the adventure and focus on the positive moments and connections you are creating together as a family. Family travel is about compromise, growth, and shared experiences. Letting go of your set ideas is part of that.
Conclusion
Traveling with family is a unique opportunity to bond and grow closer, but it requires thoughtful planning and consideration of each family member's needs and preferences. By communicating openly, respecting differences, and maintaining flexibility, you can navigate the challenges of family travel with grace.
Even if every moment does not turn out to be blissful harmony, studies have shown that your brain will mostly remember the good parts anyway. According to Dr. Omar Sultan Haque, a Harvard University psychiatrist and social scientist in How Your Brain Morps Family Vacation Memories (The New York Times, August 16, 2018): “We have two ‘selves,’ the experiencing self and the remembered self. In the midst of vacation stresses, we may be stressed and annoyed by family and children and the indignities of bureaucratic travel, but the remembered self easily turns nausea into nostalgia.”
Happy travels!
Fortuna Redux's travel planning and coaching takes into consideration all these approaches to design personalized, affordable family vacations that all members will enjoy.
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